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Coming back from a Barren Heart

Hello Beautiful Souls, There’s a story from a time in my life that I was guided to share with you guys. It may be a bit intense for some of you, it may resonate with others, and some of you may think I’m crazy for sharing this story in the first place. This is a story about the time in my life when I lost all passion. For everything.  The cause for this stems from a very toxic, 6 year relationship. Now this person is not a bad person, I hold no grudges, but it’s important to acknowledge that the combination of the two of us created something disastrous.  I went from being fiercely independent and motivated towards my education and aspirations to being complacent to be completely isolated and empty.  I allowed my partner to systematically strip away my friends, my family, my passions, and my goals. There were days, I would come home to him burning my belongings and writings because they “weren’t good enough”. I allowed him to do it. 

There were days, I would come home to him burning my belongings and writings because they “weren’t good enough”

After 6 years of break ups, intimidation, threats, manipulation and heart break; we ended our relationship.  It was like coming out of a fog but instead of finding a lush, fresh valley on the other side, I found a desert. I felt lost and my heart felt barren. 

Now this story isn’t about “the fog” so I won’t linger much longer on the negatives of the relationship. What I wanted to share was how I got through the desert with no compass.  I decided to look for the bread crumbs from my past, looking at the people and things that gave me joy previously.  To be honest, this was a long process for me. I didn’t suddenly wake up feeling myself again. There were days I felt completely lost. 

Those pieces of magic were gone

I found out a lot though. I found out that I didn’t love poetry anymore, that I would never play the guitar again, and that practicing Sabbats and celebrations didn’t fill me with wonder anymore. Those pieces of magic were gone.  Following the bread crumbs, there were days though that I saw a spark of something wonderful; an illusive glint of hope. This hope grew brighter and brighter. 

I found passion again in my love for healing which lead me to Pranic Healing and Aromatherapy.  I found passion again in the Tarot, which helped me delve deeper into my subconscious and spiritual self.  I found passion in Teaching, which helped me create courses to support people in their own path.  Lastly, I found passion in a new community with old friends and new. They folded in around me and gave me courage when I felt low or lost.  So why share this with you? Well, simply put, I know there are other people out there who have been there, who are currently there and who are feeling like they’ve walked out of the fog and just got deposited into the desert.  Is this you? Then you need to start to look for the bread crumbs, your old passions. Don’t be dismayed if they don’t give you a spark anymore. The job of the bread crumbs is to lead you and to act as a compass in the desert. 

Look for the bread crumbs

Don’t be afraid to be kind to yourself. This may look like a mental health day, stepping out on social engagements (no judgements), or tackling a new creative, just for you, project.  Finally, know that the Crossroads Sanctuary team is here to help you. I can guarantee you that we’ve all had our fair share of deserts in our lives. There is no judgement, just support and love.  It’s time to find your back to you.  With gratitude, joy and love, Aiydin 

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